Monday, December 8, 2008

Fade to grey.

I am amazed that people still drop by here so regularly despite a lack of updates. Things have been difficult lately, for a number of reasons. First of all, I have been down for a while with a back dislocation, preventing me from spending significant time doing anything really. Only this week have I been a allowed a normal level of activity again. Poker work hours especially have been sacrificed, and not just because of health issues.

After a dissapointing September, October proved to be more of the same unfortunately. While rakeback and bonuses is a nice addition, it is not enough to compensate for all the stress of playing break even poker. It's like I am having my own private financial crisis of poker to go along with the world wide one (which has also been nasty for me).

Since October I have played maybe 15 hours of cash games and a couple of tournaments, so these days poker hasn't been a lot on my mind. Basically, I am bored with it. I am uncomfortably aware that I probably wouldn't have been bored if I had maintained a good income rate. It somehow seems wrong to enjoy an activity only when the pay is good. But poker is the ultimate capitalistic game, and income is so directly related to success that it is hard to enjoy the game during such a long break even period.

Would I regain the excitement and joy of the game with just a nice upswing? Start believing in and enjoying the life of a poker pro again? Maybe. But the fact is that for a while now I just haven't had the energy and motivation to handle the downswings, the bad beats and the break even stretches. Whatever else may happen, you know that those are always just around the corner, and being a successful poker player largely depends on your ability to handle them.

So these are going to be some of the last words from this full time poker pro. I am not leaving or anything, I just won't be playing full time poker for a while. I honestly don't know how much I will play going forward, but I intend to remain playing as a hobby, the income is just too good put it aside completely. Hopefully that will be enough to regain the motivation that is missing right now. Where this blog is going, I can't really tell, but I promise to deliver an entry whenever I have something on my mind.

5 comments:

joxum (Denmark) said...

Best of luck!

/j.

MartinHK said...

...and if it wasnt bad enough this is the worst spearo-season.

Get motivated and get back soon.

Cheers

Kristian said...

Thanks guys.

Looking forward to the spring Martin...

K

Anonymous said...

I can appreciate your feelings. I, too, have suffered some significant downswings online. Very frustrating when you know you've played a hand the "right way" only to lose to a miracle draw on the river. After a while it's easy to believe i's more than just a "miracle." How many times can AA/KK get cracked in one day. For me, it was six out of six. In the words of Elvis: "too much monkey business."

I'm not a pro by any stretch of the imagination, but when you build a bankroll from $150 to $800 then watch it crumble down to $11.50, and it's all a direct result of bad beats and suck-outs, you can't help but get aggravated and bored.

Anonymous said...

Yearly graph please!